well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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