More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
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An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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