I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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