note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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