The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
