Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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