y did u give ur computer a hand job?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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