fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
