She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just invented taco cereal.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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