I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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