First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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