I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
