Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
