Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
