I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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