I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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