I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You work out of a Hotel?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
