You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you had me at cake vodka
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
