if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
