Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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