I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
God I need to hump something, right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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