just come out here and I will go home with you...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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