Already got asked if we're dating
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just google imaged poop.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize