I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
