I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
