quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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