herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
