I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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