Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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