I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
