does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Congratulations! We have a period
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