what day is it and did you see me today?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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