It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If that was your dad, he is hot
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
