Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
