The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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