What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We named our party play list daddy issues
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
