im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
