Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
