I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
