i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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