We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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