All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
