What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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