Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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