We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
