So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
