i permit you to call me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I pour the whiskey from now on
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
