Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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