When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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