I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
