I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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