she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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