So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
