Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
