1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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