you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
