You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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