It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is wine microwaveable?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
