Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I am one with the molecules
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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