wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
