Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I look better un-naked...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
