...so i touched it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
