did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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