So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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