I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
