Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
