I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How's work?
Spinning.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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