Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
